It’s been a hot second since I updated the blog with anything personal! My blog used to be my primary home for personal content, but for the last couple of years, all our family updates have been living over on Instagram. After the FB/IG/WhatsApp blackout a couple of weeks ago though, I’m realizing that I MISS blogging! So today’s update is all about our adoption journey :).
In case you missed the announcement, we’re adopting again!
We knew even before Felix was born that we would want to expand our family again! We reached out to our agency in January to get the ball rolling, and had all our paperwork submitted by April (it doesn’t necessarily need to take that long, we were just really, really crazy with work and it took longer than we wanted!). Our home study took place in June with the same social worker who did our first home study, and we received the official notice that we were homes study approved at the beginning of August!
Then came applying with placement agencies. We’re pursuing domestic infant adoption, just as we did with Felix, and the agency we placed with the first time around (the one who facilitated the matching process with Felix’s birth mama) had a full waiting list, so we needed to find a new agency to be listed with this time around.
We interviewed six different agencies and are currently listed with one- three of the agencies we spoke with weren’t taking new families because their wait lists are completely full. With the pandemic, adoptions around the country slowed to a near-standstill, so we’re buckled up for a potentially extra-long wait.
There’s not much else we can do at the moment, other than consider new agencies to also list with in the hopes of being exposed to more expectant parents considering adoption. So we’re finding new ways to be grateful as we wait, like thanking the Lord that we already have our sweet munchkin to focus on while we wait. My heart aches for the folks walking through this for the first time, the hopeful parents with empty arms who find themselves waiting even longer than anticipated as the country continues to experience the painful side-effects of Covid.
We’re also making time for travel and adventure, like upcoming trips to Hawaii and Disney! By focusing on the sweetness of what’s in front of us, it’s a bit easier to be content and wait upon the Lord’s perfect timing, even on days when I feel like it’s not so perfect.
We’ve had quite a few friends ask how they can pray- we’re asking God for patience and contentment for us, and peace, comfort, and protection for Baby Spring’s birth parents, wherever and whoever they are.
It could be weeks, months, or years before we meet them, and the process of considering adoption vs. parenting is heart-wrenching in a way I will never fully comprehend.
Adoption is beautiful, absolutely. It’s also hard, complex, and heavy. So as we pray for our own family, we also pray for theirs.
For anyone wondering about the infertility side of things, since I shared our journey of walking through treatments a few years ago:
There was a part of me that had hoped after Felix came home that we would find ourselves with a positive pregnancy test, and honestly, I still hope for that one day.
(Side note: despite the kind intent, please don’t tell a hopeful adoptive parent who also struggles with infertility “a lot of people who adopt end up getting pregnant afterwards!” Anecdotal evidence of unexpected conceptions after infertility isn’t helpful for someone entering the world of adoption)
That dream and desire to carry a child hasn’t gone away, though praise God, the pain of that unfulfilled dream doesn’t hit me as frequently as it once did.
Sometimes the Lord allows us to carry the burden of an unmet desire for years on end- it doesn’t make him unkind, it doesn’t make his plans anything other than good, and as loathe as I was to admit it to myself at first, that unmet desire forces me to lean on Him for comfort and provision in a way I have STRUGGLED to do in years passed.
In 2 Corinthians, ch. 12, Paul talks about having a thorn in his side, and that three times he asked the Lord to take it from him. Verse 9: “But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. […] For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
My hope and my joy isn’t based on whether or not all of my worldly dreams are fulfilled.
My hope and my joy are built upon my confidence in what Christ did for me on the cross, on the fact that I was lost, and now I’m found. I was broken, then redeemed. God is good, ALWAYS. He is good whether or not my children share my DNA. He is good even if I never get to see two lines on a pregnancy test. He is good because of who he is, not because of what he does or does not give me.
I wouldn’t trade our journey for anything. I wouldn’t trade the years of waiting or the pain or the deep grief, because the journey literally brought me to my knees, crying out in desperate need of Jesus. Not because of what he could give me, but in need of hope, grace, and mercy found only in the Gospel.
And that place of surrender, of opening my hands and finally being able to say (through gritted teeth at times) “not my will but yours” is what led us to Felix. To his birth mama, whom we love as our own family.
I’ve said it before, and I will say it here again: if this journey is what it took for me to understand God’s grace and loving kindness, then I will praise the Lord for my infertility.
Thank you to Lauren of Gordon Place Photography for the first and third photos!