Today was going to be a day where I posted about how wonderful 2013 was, and how very much I’m looking forward to 2014. But I believe in authenticity and doing away with pretense, so I can’t write a post with a ton of exclamation points and smiley faces when in all reality, my heart is a little bit broken today.
At noon, my little brother is starting his drive back up to Fort Drumm in New York, where he’ll begins briefings, equipment checks, and last-minute preparations for deployment within the week with the US Army. We’ve known it’s coming for the past few months, but it doesn’t make it any easier in those last few hours when you know it’s going to be a full year before you see your brother again. I’ve always been protective when it comes to Seth, and even though I know he’s a grown man and can take care of himself, I still feels the pangs of panic rising in my chest, threatening to overwhelm me as I ask myself how the heck I’m supposed to protect him when he’s at war?
I can’t. None of us can, and it scares the living daylights out of me.
As a family, we’ve been through two deployments with my older brother Ethan, but this is Seth’s first and he’ll be gone for almost twice as long as Ethan was. I’m scared for the change that a year overseas may bring in him, I’m mourning the loss of Seth’s exuberant presence at family gatherings and holidays, and I’m afraid for his safety.
It’s one of those times that requires blind faith; faith that God can and WILL take care of Seth. There’s nothing more I or my family can do besides send a ton of care packages and pray, and trust in the Lord more than ever that He has an incredible plan for Seth’s life. Matthew 6:25-26- “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”
I know this next year isn’t going to be easy, that there will be more than a few stressful nights spent worrying, that every new article on CNN about overseas terrorist attacks is going to strike fear in my heart. But above all, I know we serve a God who knows every hair on our heads, who created Seth to be the strong guy that he is, and that no matter what, God is in control. There’s no amount of turmoil that is more powerful than the Prince of Peace.
We love you Sethy, and we can’t wait for you to come back home.
Land of the free because of the brave
January 2, 2014
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Choked me up a bit as I’m sitting on an airplane in LAX waiting to take off surrounded by soldiers who too may be leaving their families for a year today. Praying for your heart and sweet family as you miss his presence. Thankful for your hope in Christ and his protection of your dear brother!
Wow. Your brothers are both heroes. I hope your little brother returns to you safely. It’s hard to imagine what you must be feeling, but you at least can feel enormously proud! Your family sounds pretty incredible.
Wishing your bro a safe journey!
Abby
Sending hugs to you and your family. I feel your pain – my husband was in the Navy in Nuclear Submarines for 10 years and every deployment was heartbreaking. My cousin was deployed multiple times…know that you have people around you that will add your family to our prayers.
hugs, Marirosa
We love you and are praying for you Seth!
Praying for you, your family, and your brother, Abby! I know what it’s like to have your baby bro far away, and I know the fear that comes with having a loved one deployed. It’s not easy, but you are right and God is good! (And I stayed away from all overseas news for my own sanity!!) love and prayers!
You put into words the same thing I am feeling, Abby. Grandchildren are so special to me and knowing he’ll be in harms way is weighing heavily on my mind. Praying he’ll be safe and anticipating his return a year from now. Tears!
Oh Abby, you KNOW that my heart just breaks reading this 🙁 I have no words, because I know that nothing makes it any easier. Praying for you guys <3
Abby, thank you for this post. I am so moved by your words and your faith in God. It’s something we all need to be reminded of, good times and bad – God is in control and we can rest in His goodness and power. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart – it really was one of your best posts to-date. Sending a big hug your way! xoxo
As the older sister of a younger brother, I know the feelings well. My brother thought for a time about joining the military, and while we would have been incredibly proud of him, the idea of it scared my mom and I to death… despite the fact that my mom’s dad was career Air Force and my dad’s dad had served in Korea. And then my brother thought about being a police officer at another point, which was easier for us to come to grips with (considering that is who my mom and I work for!); but again, life took him down a different path and I can’t say we aren’t terribly grateful for that.
I know how incredibly important it is that we have brave and honorable men and women to serve in our armed forces and here locally in our police forces, and I am grateful for those, like the men in your family, that do. But for the moms and the sisters, it can be incredibly hard to think of the little boy they raised/grew up with going off to war by himself on the other side of the world and not being able to reach out and hug on them or care for them like we always have. My “little” brother towers over me now and has turned in to quite the caretaker himself, but I can still say and do things that elicit the same laughing response from him as when he was 4, and grate on his nerves the same as when he was 14! He may be a grown up now with a big job and a house of his own and marriage in the near future, but he’ll always be my baby brother and merely thinking of him can always bring tears to my eyes.
I’ll keep your brother Seth in my prayers. And you and your family.
Oh Abby, this was so moving…praying for his safety and your heart while he is away! That is so tough!! So thankful for your faith and I’m so inspired by your desire to rest in the Lord during this time! Your brother is a hero!!
Your faith and trust in God is inspirational! Beautifully written. Praying for your brother and your family throughout this next year!
My heart is thinking of your family, Abby. I can’t imagine how hard this must be! Lots of love to you, and prayers for Seth’s safe return.
Such a sweet picture. Thanks for sharing your heart with everyone, Abby, and I’ll be praying for you all!
Abby, I know exactly how you feel. In the past 8 years since we’ve been married my husband deployed too many time. At first it was hard, but I got used to it as bad as it sounds. Just Skype and send him goodie bags ( including for his friends – they all like to share). Be so proud of him, guys like ours are the reason of do many good things in our country. And us, wife’s, moms and sisters are the most resilient women I’ve fever met. Hugs!
I’ll be thinking of your family in the coming months. Living down in Hampton Roads, we see the toll that deployments take on our friends and their families all of the time, but they always tell us that their faith and their love for their loved ones always brings them through it. He’s in good hands love. 🙂
Thinking of you and your family <3 xoxo
I got to take him back to the post, we both kept our composition as we hugged and he walked off to formation, I stayed until I lost sight of him and drove off. As I turned off the road from the base onto the interstate I began to weep. This is my youngest child who I am giving up to who knows what. It scares me to know I can’t be there for him if something happens but I know he is in the middle of God’s will for him. That fact doesn’t make it easier but it makes it bearable. My family thanks all of you for your kind words and prayers.
Thank you for being authentic and honest Abby!