All of the photographers that I really love and look up to have one mantra in common: “Hold out for your ideal client.” Justin and Mary drove the point home in their Live Chat, Katelyn James insisted upon it during her workshop. “Hold out for your ideal client.” For them? It’s a non-negotiable.

Now if you’re anything like me, you probably hear that and think “psh. Easy for them to say. They’re completely booked at least a year in advance and never want in terms of clientele. Of couse YOU can afford that luxury.” I’m right, aren’t I? You’ve said that exact thing to yourself? Good. I’m not alone. Like most photographers at my stage in the business, I’ve been guilty of have the mindset that I need to book any and every couple that’s willing to sign me, no matter who they are, whether or not they actually like my work or how much they do/don’t care about the service I provide (and somehow I’ve still ended up with 100% amazing couples- PTL!). I thought I needed to do that in order to pad my portfolio, and after I had it good and stocked, THEN I could afford to start being choosey. I mean, logically, that kind of makes sense, right?

Nope. Here’s what I discovered: booking clients that don’t fit with the kinds of weddings and couples I’m hoping to work with won’t help my business. Yes, it’s another wedding, and yes, it’s another paycheck, but track with me for a minute: if I’m padding my portfolio with images of weddings that aren’t my ideal type of clients and wedding, aren’t I just inviting myself to shoot more of those types of clients and events? If you were an aspiring pastry chef but spent years working in a pizza parlor to gain credibility, wouldn’t you just be earning yourself a reputation as a really solid pizza maker?

I’ve been stressing for a couple of months on the issue of learning to say “no,” but more specifically learning to turn down clients when they’re ready to book you. I’ve emailed quite a few photographers with the question “What if you’re IN a consultation and they have a contract and are ready to sign, but you can tell it isn’t a good idea?” The responses I got back were varied, from “well, I can usually tell that sort of thing over email,” to “I don’t really know, I guess just wing it?”

Well, I finally had my chance to figure it out for myself. I was in the middle of a client consultation with an incredibly sweet couple but I could just tell that I wasn’t the best fit for them. My typical chicken self would have tried to hide behind the façade of an email, but I took a chance and spilled my heart.

“Can I be totally honest with you? [oh my gosh, can they hear how hard my heart is beating?]  I don’t think I’m the best fit for you all as a couple. And it’s not because there’s anything wrong with either one of us- I just think that there are other photographers in the area that could give you exactly what you’re looking for, someone that would make you infinitely more happy than I can. Here’s who I recommend…”

Oh my gosh, I was so nervous that I was going to offend this adorable couple! I could feel my cheeks flooding with blush and I’m sure I was talking a mile a minute, but when I finally shut up and listened for their response? They were grateful. Grateful that I had enough courage to turn them down because based on what they were looking for, I knew that I couldn’t give them the best experience possible, that I was willing to pass their business and their money to someone who COULD give them everything they were looking for.

On my way home, instead of berating myself for losing out on their business, I praised God for how absolutely faithful He is. Those words coming out of my mouth, words that could have offended, were instead received with grace because that bride and groom could tell that I was being honest and genuine when I told them that I REALLY DO want what’s best for them and their wedding photography, and I could just tell that it didn’t involve me.

I don’t share that story to show everyone how I’m doing things the right way (because more often than not, I’m the one with my foot in my mouth). I shared it in the hopes that the next time you know you’re not a good fit, that you’ll have the courage and the discernment to tell the couple that there’s a better fit out there for them and you want to help them find it. Don’t just take their business for the sake of having their money- do what’s best for them, and you will inevitably find yourself doing what’s best for you.

Happy Thursday!