June was a VERY exciting month at our house, to say the least. I may write a full blog post in the future all about “the call” and how everything unfolded, but in case you HAVEN’T heard, I’ll start with July’s self-portrait (because June’s will make more sense once you have context).
A few weeks ago, we were chosen by an expectant mother whose courage and love for her unborn child takes my breath away. I’m still reeling. We were on the wait list for a mere 13 days before we got the call, far sooner than either of us had anticipated. It’s been more than a month since then, and my heart feels like it’s grown to three times its normal size.
We’re holding this long-awaited news, news that is four years in the making, with wide open hands. Because we know that situations like this can change in an instant. We know this isn’t a sure thing. This child is not our child yet. We know all of that, and in the midst of it, we choose love and support for the sweet, kind expectant mama we were chosen by, no matter what may come.
*A note about choosing to share online: I thought long and hard over whether or not to keep the fact that we were matched offline until after Baby Spring comes home. We love our expectant mama (we call her “Em” [as in, Expectant Mama] to respect her privacy) so much, and recognize her need to make this decision without pressure or presumption from us.
That being said, we’ve also shared so much of this process with our online community in the hopes of shining light on an experience that many people never consider, simply because of how unknown it may seem to outsiders. We had the opportunity to meet with Em and asked how she might feel if we shared the news of being matched, and received her blessing before putting anything online.
For Matt and I, it was more important to share the goodness of what God is doing right now than it was to keep silent, for fear of having to share hard news if things fall through.
Because if you’ve been following along for a while now, you know we have not shied away from sharing hard news. Over the last four years of infertility, I’ve shared countless blog posts and Instagrams detailing the ups and DIFFICULT downs of the process.
Why share the hard stuff? Why not wait until our story has a happy-for-us resolution, tied in a pretty little Instagram bow, with #blessed to top it off perfectly?
Firstly, because we KNOW we’re not the only ones walking through this, and if you’re on this journey too, you know there is immeasurable comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
But more importantly, because everyone needs to know that God is good EVEN WHEN the worst happens, and that we can trust in his unfailing kindness and mercy even when all feels bleak. He is good in times of joy, he is good in times of sorrow and pain. We have hope that is not based in our circumstance- not based in whether or not we get to be parents- but a hope that is based in Jesus. A hope based not in what we want to happen, but a hope and confidence based in a salvation that’s already been secured for us.
So if you’re wondering why we’d share something so uncertain, akin to sharing news of a pregnancy before the first trimester is over, it’s because we desire for God’s glory to be seen in the good AND the hard. His steadfast love endures FOREVER, regardless of our circumstance.
So now that you know THAT news, I can share my June self-portrait!
Title: Pineapple of My Eye
When we got the call, Em was far enough along that her little one was roughly the size of a pineapple (depending on which “Baby Growth Chart” you stumbled upon on Pinterest). We were SO EXCITED to tell our friends and family about the hope of bringing Baby Spring home soon! One of the fun parts of not sharing online right away was that we got to share our potential news with people in person, which I can now say from experience was far more joyful that simply posting to Insta.
Having the chance to tell friends and family one-on-one, to hear the screams of joy and see tears of happiness from our loved ones who KNOW how long we’ve been waiting for this, it was encouraging in ways I can’t describe! It was such an illustration to me of the support network we have, and made me all the more confident as we look towards stepping into this new chapter of life; we are far from being alone.
Baby Spring, whenever you get here, you have so many people who have been praying for you for years, and who cannot wait to meet you. And I can’t wait for you to meet them!