Do you ever have one of those days when you put a lot of effort into your outfit, know you look adorable, and then meet up with a friend who looks 10x better and you know they barely tried at all? That’s how it feels sometimes when I look at my Facebook Β newsfeed and see images from other photographers. Last week I’d just finished editing an engagement session I really, really loved when I checked into Facebook. Lo and behold, there was an Instagram from someone else who’d just finished an engagement session too, and in less than three seconds I managed to convince myself that her one Instagram was better than my entire session. That all of her work is always better than everything I’ve ever shot. Ever.
^ That is absurd.
I heard a phrase a few weeks ago, something about “we compare other’s highlight reels to our own outtakes.” AMEN. We do! And you know what it does? It makes me ungrateful for what I already have, for what I’ve already accomplished, for the gifts God’s already given me. I’m so excited for every one of my 2013 couples, and on top of all of the gorgeous Virginia and Maryland weddings I’m shooting, I also get to travel to Kansas City, England and Puerto Rico- what an absolute dream come true!Β To say that I’ve been blessed would be an enormous understatement. But how quickly I forget those blessing, those wonderful gifts when I log onto Facebook and see that so-and-so just booked another wedding in California this year. How quick I am to sit down and count out how many weddings I’m not shooting on the West Coast, and how short a period of time it takes to convince myself that because I’m not being flown to California to shoot, that I must not be a very good photographer.
Guys, none of that crap matters. I have 19 amazing couples I’m photographing this year- 19 brides and 19 grooms who are trusting me to preserve the memories of their day with my own distinct style, 19 couples who wanted to be ABBY GRACE brides and grooms, not so-and-so’s brides and grooms. Men and women who chose me because they love my photography and because our personalities clicked, because they saw something special in me.
This ugly game of comparison has to stop- it’s poisoning my heart and sapping my joy. So I’m doing two things: I’m swearing off my Facebook newsfeed and my Instagram feed. Because never have I EVER looked through either one and felt BETTER about myself as a result- I always walk away from it feeling defeated, or like I’m not doing enough. I don’t want this toxicity in my life, and if you feel the same way I’d encourage you to swear yours off as well.
And in case you need a pick me up, here are 19 people who are having a worse day than you. Happy Friday! ^These two^ are getting married tomorrow!
The evils of my Facebook newsfeed
April 19, 2013
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preach!
Well said!! And so true!
Well said, Abby. I agree with you 100%. Everyone else’s photos always look better then mine too. Good luck tomorrow.
This really hits home for me! I have only been truly active in photographing clients for about 9 months and even though my growth is noticeable, I always feel beat down when seeing others who have been in business for much longer than I. I actually did pretty much the exact same thing you did last night and it was so hurtful. I saw that a previous family I had photographed had found a much more experienced photographer and they were so in love with her photos of their family that it made me upset to see that my work couldn’t give them that same joy. We shouldn’t do this to ourselves. It isn’t healthy and not one person is ever the same as anyone else. We are always going to be at different places in our journey, and need to do exactly what you said: Thank God for everything we have accomplished and what the future will bring.
Thank you so much for this post today, and keep up with the stunning work you give to the world!
Sometimes I wish I could just abominate social media. Hahaha. The sad part is, I wouldn’t be a photographer with out it but still, it’s so frustrating that we compare ourselves all the time. You should probably stop, though, because you’re an incredible photographer! Haha. π I mean, that photo in this post is so cool!
Amen! Facebook and Instagram can be poison. I really want to “quit” the two for a while, or at least quit following photographers, but I can’t bring myself to do it yet. Thanks for pointing out that it would probably be a healthy thing to do so. π
Abby,
You know what sets you apart from everyone else?Your faith in God, which ROCKS!! I love how you share it with us! At the end of the day God gave us all talents and yours is definitely photography!!!Your work is amazing donβt ever second guess yourself.
You have made many brides EXTREMELY HAPPY including me. You will continue to make the 2013 BRIDES happy as well. Your work is timeless which not a lot of photographers can do.
Abby…
I’ve been struggling with this SO much. Like, I can’t even begin to tell you. Naturally, I follow amazing photographers because (like yourself) those are the people that truly inspire me with their work to do better. I struggle with it SO much to the point of when I shoot a session, come back and cull my images, I basically want to cry because it’s not anything like I want it to be. I’m not proud of my images and that makes my less enthusiastic with my clients and people who are supporting me in these beginning stages. I have 4 (maybe 5) weddings this year and each time I shoot it’s killing my confidence rather than boosting it. It’s so hard to take into account that comparing is just not worth it. I’ve been praying a lot about this and just hope that I can stop beating up on myself for not being perfect like all the others. I’m learning, and there is beauty in learning and coming into your own. So thank you for this… and thank you for sharing that you struggle with this too. It’s not just people like me who feel completely inadequate sometimes.
Chelsea
^^^^ Happy to be one of those 19 brides — happy NOT to be one of the other 19 people! Thanks for the laugh, Abby, and just keep doing what you’re doing because it’s obviously working!
Thank you for being so honest, Abby! I feel the same way SO SO often. I’m glad that I’m not the only one. I absolutely love your work– you’re such an inspiration.
AMEN! Such truth!!! It is SO easy to let years of blessings and a successful business all wash down the tube with one moment of comparison, but this is a great reminder to keep everything in perspective. Thank you for sharing!!
I so soo appreciate you! I’m so blessed, thankful, and excited to call you our wedding photographer. AND we are even more excited that you will be with us on our big day capturing our story. You’re a beautiful story teller. God has so clearly gifted you wih these talents to showcase His glory through art. You are worthy of the role He’s called you to. Comparison will rob you of the security that He so desperately desires you to find in Him. Rest in that sweet friend :] YOU. ARE. AWESOME.
Abby, you are so normal for feeling this way. Don’t we all look to others and compare ourselves? That being said it’s ridiculous. I follow lots of photographers and read their blogs. I love each one of them for different reasons. Each one is unique in their own special way. I so wish you had been shooting weddings back when I got hitched. I honestly didn’t know any photographer worthy to shoot our wedding. We ended up using Joshua’s high school photography teacher, and while we have some beautiful images I often wish I had known you then. The truth is you weren’t even shooting back then (or I you were just getting interested). Rest assured, if you had been, you would have been the first person I contacted!!! You are amazingly talented and take GORGEOUS photographs!!!!
Abby — YOU are one of like 6 photographers that I weekly am inspired by your Facebook feed. Your artistry with light, color, and the way you interact w/your couples photographically is something that has consistently been an inspiration to me and I thank you for that π I love your photography just the way it is — don’t change a thing… keep inspiring us all!
What a downer it can especially be when you are first starting out, and you begin to convince yourself that you will never EVER come close to being as amazing as those other established photographers who have such glowing testimonials and numerous publications! I always compare my portfolio, and then wonder why anyone would ever hire me when so-and-so is obviously so much better, and then start criticizing every single shot I have ever made, even my favorites.
But you just gotta keep swimming. Thanks for posting π It’s very helpful.
Abby, this is great. Not only do I agree 100% with everything you said, and learned this myself this year after my first WPPI trip, but my hubby and I just died laughing at that post. I was having a pretty good day before, but this just made it even better to remind me before I even got there, NOT to scroll my facebook/IG feeds!
Thanks girl! Keep on keepin’ it real!
Your work is beautiful! You are beautiful! Get rid of those negative thoughts that bring you down. Love you!!!
AMEN! Thank you thank you thank you thank you! I needed to here this and get perspective!
If I had the money, youd be here in Hawaii with us because Brian cant take a photo of me by the ocean without me looking like a black blob π youre the best!
Love this, Abby! Thank you for being so raw and so real! It’s one of the reasons I read your blog every day…not to mention your gorgeous photos:)
I know exactly how you feel! I do the same thing and your images are often some of the ones that make me drool, so know that the circle of image envy will always continue! I read yours and Rebekah’s blogs and get photographer BFF envy because I don’t really know many Richmond photographers. Someone will always seem to have more and it’s good to just be thankful. Thanks for this post!
Abby, I had coffee with a friend this morning and I was telling her how incredibly excited I am to have you be here in a two weeks!! Seriously, having you come out is one of the highlights of this wedding planning time and day! π
And you are so right about the comparison thing. I know I have found myself falling into the same trap looking at other peoples’ wedding pictures – usually always thinking to myself “she is so much prettier than me – I won’t look even close to that pretty in my pictures.” Gag – so terrible and so untrue!!! I know I have looked at fewer wedding pictures because I can’t compare mine to others – my day is going to be beautiful for me and Greg – and that’s what counts!
And we have a stupendous photographer coming who is going to capture (and make even more beautiful) our beautiful moments! π Thanks!!!! (and thanks for sharing honestly!)
Sometimes the things I see on social media really mess up my day and you’re right, that is so silly! I try to have “social media free weekends” like Lara Casey, and by Sunday night, I’m feeling like I had a pretty great weekend instead of feeling bad that so-and-so tweets like they had so much more fun than me. This post is a great reminder to appreciate what I’ve accomplished instead of comparing my whole life to an Instagram.
It is SOOO hard to not feel jealous when I look at other people’s work, but I use it as motivation to just keep getting better. As my best friend (and business partner) told me when he first started getting into photography, “When I see something I like, I try to see if I can do it.” If I can pull off what someone else has done (in terms of editing, or a specific kind of shot) then I don’t feel as incapable. (BTW note: I’m not saying COPYING a shot. Just seeing if I would be able to do it! I don’t advocate copying other people’s shots and passing them off as my own!)
Abby, what an excellent and honest post. Who knew that God had a dual job in mind for you when became a full time photographer? One, your photography and the artistry you display through it. The other one is the blessings you are bringing to your fellow photographers and brides via your blog. This particular post revealed that through all of the comments. I’d like to throw in just a comment about comparing ourselves to others as an encouragement to your readers. There is an enemy out there seeking to destroy and comparing ourselves to others is one of his favorite tactics. When you say no to the comparisons, you have not opened the door to discouragement and thoughts of throwing in the towel. Just keep that in mind everybody. I’m Abby’s Mom and I’ve lived this lesson and I approve of this message.
you’re amazing just the way you are!!!( bruno wrote that song just for times like this! π
also, seriously, you are wonderful! you have such a unique style and i always KNOW when it’s YOUR work! you have done so many great things, lady!!! never forget that! plus, God loves you and thinks you’re pretty awesome! π
Abby- Your words are SUCH a blessing. I so appreciate your honesty in your postings- it’s so refreshing! Honestly, I would never have thought you compare yourselves to other photographers- because to me…YOUR pictures are the standard that I long to reach! π But to know that lots of photographers struggle with this- makes me just want to encourage others more! Keep inspiring, Abby π
Thank you. This is the story of my life… I know in my heart I should not compare, but it is so hard not to. It is good to know that everyone feels this way – and I am not alone.