When I was a sophomore at Radford University, I took Communication Theory with Dr. Gwen Brown. She’s 5’4, maybe 105 lbs, with sharp, intelligent eyes and a salt-and-pepper pixie cut. She speaks quickly, with the air of one who is not to be crossed. She warns that her class is not to be taken lightly. And I adored her . Was she the hardest professor I’ve ever been taught by? Probably. But she’s wicked smart, and she knows Comm Theory like the back of her hand.

I remember learning about one such theory from Dr. Brown called the “Cultivation Theory,” by George Gerbner. The theory, in short, hypothesizes that, the more TV a person watches, the more violent they perceive the world as being.

This theory is true. True true true. I read the Justice section on CNN every day. I watch the news. Matt and I love finding CSI marathons on in the middle of the day. So I suppose you could say that much of the TV I’m exposed to is “violent.” And as a result, I’m the most paranoid person I know.

One morning a couple of months ago, I got into the elevator at work, and a 50-something glasses-wearing gentleman stepped in just as the doors were closing. Crap! I’d already pressed the 8th floor button, so if he was going to follow me, he knew where I was going. His hand inched toward the iridescent number 5; I allowed myself to breathe a small sigh of relief. I kept my guard up, though, in case he knew kung fu.

The air thickened as the elevator groaned upward. Wait… did he just look at me?  I’m going to die in this elevator, I just know it. The elevator rumbled, and after what seemed like eternity, the doors slowly openened onto the 5th floor. He steps towards the door, turns around, and I brace myself as he says… “Have a nice day.”

…

“That’s exactly what a killer would say,” I tell myself.

This is Matt being exasperated with me.

Happy Friday!